As I pull the glossy gift wrap off an untarnished somewhat undamaged new year, I’m taking the opportunity to take a last look at the past year. This is an unusual reflection for me on successes and opportunities in my personal and professional life. I’ve never done this, but this year left a mark on me, and it needs sharing.

Theme#

In the spirit of Cortex, I’ve also always struggled with the new year and setting goals for myself. Resolutions suck. I’ll admit, Cortex has somewhat changed my mind about this, and setting a theme to the year was just enough of the fresh approach I needed. One of the most interesting ideas for me, is that a theme is both a north star, and never completed.

After getting projects started in 2023, the initial guiding principle for the year was “The Year of Completion”. I loove starting a project that’s never finished, the last touches are never done and pile up. In many ways, this year has driven me to complete more projects, but with completion, comes other brand new projects and new time to jump into new touches, features and chances to get further down the rabbit hole. Too often, I get caught up in the cycle, and just like it is with software, it’s never really done. It was time to break that cycle.

Great idea, didn’t turn out that way and it’s fine.

Back from burnoutsville#

2024 was challenging. I was tech lead on a very ambitious project, with wide focus, loose guidance, massive pressure, and heavy reliance on my technical experience. What made it hard, was the rejection of some of negative feedback, while relying on my expertise. It wasn’t great for my mental health, and in the most significant way in a nearly 2 decade career, it burnt me out. I’m super thankful that my workplace recognized it and took action. Burnout is real, and honestly, dangerous as hell.

Work unexpectedly put me on a self-guided sabbatical. I was skeptical, worried that it was punitive and concerned for what would come afterwards. My boss reassured me, and put my mind at ease, and I eventually agreed that yeah, I needed a break. I haven’t written enough here, but I don’t take the breaks I need to for my own wellbeing, it was needed.

Our destroyed basement
Our destroyed basement

The work break gave me the chance to take a break rebuild our basement after an undiscovered leak rotted through much of our finished basement last year. This was extremely hard work, and in taking much of it on myself, I discovered new damage, forcing new repairs, expense and challenges. Far too many parallels to the project I was trying to recover from. What it taught me is that while I can rely on myself for a lot, I need help sometimes, and it’s OK to ask for it, especially when I’m cosplaying as a rookie contractor. I did rediscover some of the tangible satisfaction to completing something so physical in contrast with my very digital workplace.

A very n00b contractor
A n00b contractor

I was so ready to return to work and feel like I knew what I was doing again. I started with a project that I was ready to be solo developer on. Again, satisfying, a welcome challenge to get back to what I knew, but the lack of staffing beyond myself on that project was so frustrating, and I had zero idea what was headed my way next. I refocused on fundamentals, refreshing my knowledge, diving into little weird challenges and dusting the mental burden of the burnout project off me. I rediscovered that relationships I cultivated in the previous 2 years would help push me along. In that time, I was satisfied in work again, and the daily dread finally washed away. Well on the road to recovery, I restocked with new knowledge of where the boundaries in my professional life should be.

Progress in rebuilding our basement

June#

One sunny Sunday afternoon at the end of June, armed with pool noodles and a shot at some mediocre ice cream, my family of goobers headed to the pool club. A nice reprieve from some California family visit, a chance to reconnect with friends at the pool with the kids. After some chatting, I stepped out of the pool and into the pooldeck shower ready to rinse the definitely very chloriney water off. I stepped into the shower, my foot stepping into the shower, immediate shot out to the left on the most slick surface known to man, and I landed with my shoulder first on painted concrete.

The scene of the accident
The scene of the accident

I went to put my hand down to get up, and couldn’t move any part of my right arm. I could move my legs, I didn’t think I had injured my spine, or my head, there was no blood, I instantly assumed that I had simply dislocated my arm. I couldn’t breathe, the wind was completely knocked out of me. Someone finally saw me, called the lifeguard over, they stuffed me in an ambulance and rushed me to the hospital. I still had no idea what happened. I completely fractured the top of my right arm, just below my shoulder. Yes, I’m right-handed. The pain, the bruising, shock, sadness for the death of our family summer, anger at the maintenance guy that didn’t put a mat in the bottom of the shower, it was a tidal wave of pain and emotion.

I don’t consider myself a clumsy person, but I’ve been in bike crashes. I’d never been in an ambulance. I’ve had bad injuries, burns, cuts, falls on the bike, some simple broken ribs, but this was all new. I do, and have done a lot of physical work. Fall leaf work, lifting big things, like..being a Dad in New England, you do hard things, snowblow the driveway, stack wood, that kind of thing. I immediately had to stop all that and work for ??? long, after just getting my feet under me again, it sucked. I instead tried to see it as a way for my girls to see their Dad overcome an obstacle, recover, adapt and again, rebuild my mobility. It was loads of PT, medical bills and time to recover. It taught me that I really needed to recognize my own vulnerabilities, spend the time recovering, and start anew. Even the little things you’d think would have been encouraging were again, new weird challenges that required adaptation. Can’t use a right hand to mouse with if you can’t move your right arm.

Recovering from a broken shoulder

Also, healthcare in the US is a reprehensible nightmare that no human should have to face alone. It’s awful, and we all should do better. Donate anything to St. Jude, always.

Adaptation#

If you’ve made it this far, you’d be right in recognizing the theme for this year was damn near impossible. 6 months of PT, a burnout recovery, a stop/start re-entry to work, it was not what I had in the cards. An election that was, to say the least, a stressor on relationships and opinions. Tech job market in the toilet, AI about to break everything, crippling anxiety, a house actively trying to ruin me, it’s all kind of a mess.

Adaptation is the ballgame. No right arm? Guess you’re using a trackpad with your left hand now dood. Can’t shift the car with your right hand? I guess you’re left handed shifting now dipshit. Can’t mow the lawn because excruciating pain? Pay the neighbor kid to do it. Don’t know how to tile a bathroom? YouTube and the blind confidence of a two-bit contractor can get it done. Gotta adapt. That quickly became the entire theme and eclipsed all, and pushed my thinking into a new perspective. Finishing anything required constant adaptation, finishing, was the final adaptation.

Eventually, I got my arm back, slowly. I had to figure out how to get the club to pay for the medical bills, talk to lawyers, figure out the expenses and how to get the adjuster to work with me. Then, the focus shifted back to work, building up on projects I’ve started, finally putting the finishing touches on huge efforts to get them live. Finishing but also planning the next project, figuring how where the holes could be and getting around them.

Adaptation to a new set of abilities
Improvise, adapt, overcome

2025#

So, what’s on tap for this year? After being forced to switch gears and heal for the majority of 2024, my theme for this year is “A Year of Strength”. Physically, I need to get myself in shape after focusing on one arm for a year. I’ve relied on cycling during the summer to get back in shape after consuming mostly cookies, eggnog, and coping food required to get through the holidays with two young kids and a Clark Griswold style of fatherhood. My diet, sleep, fitness routine, all need massive amounts of work.

Professionally, my growth has stalled, and I also need strength training here. The “Year of Completion” will be ongoing, projects need finishing, plans need operationalizing, and relationships need maintenance. This for me, will be the first time I’m ‘double-majoring’ in a theme. Strength will be focus one, but adaptation will be riding shotgun for a while.

Largely:

  • Write here more, rebuild this site, pull in my portfolio, celebrate & share more wins
  • Crush the open construction projects, do what’s required with the house, spend less money on the house
  • Improve my physical well bring, build workout routine, improve diet and sleep
  • Plot a new professional course, build strength
  • Apply to speak at a conference, I have a lot to say, I miss being at conferences

Have a great 2025, adapt, and crush it. Be kind, crush the haters. Thanks for reading :D